dear luci

s02e00 - moving

can't keep a bad bitch down.

'Moving' by Supergrass

predictably my big "goodbye" didn't last long. I tried to find ways to get comfy with my new blog-less arrangement: I flipped my pillow over to the cooler side, I tossed and turned, I went out to try and sleep on the couch, etc.

but no strategy particularly stuck. who knew? (I did.)

my best friend got back from hospital kinda recently. her life got put on hiatus during her stay, like a TV show. My life kept moving with a kind of restless momentum— not going anywhere mind you, but spinning the wheels. Also like a TV show. I stole the "spinning the wheels" thing from her, actually. She feels that way about her life.

we talked at breakfast today about new beginnings, new plans for our lives. subtle things, gradual things.

I was thrown off by her attempts to help me plan my Best Life. I'm not great at the big picture stuff. I do better with less nebulous questions. if you ask me what I want to do with my life, I'll tell you that I want to:

Not a lot there in the way of specific goals. I'm sure I have them, I just suck at figuring them out. Cat thing is definitely manageable though.

All this to say I think I'm starting Season 2.

I want this blog to reflect a weirder, more eclectic (but still vulnerable) side of me. It's been pretty dour in the past.

I want to move on without flipping the chess board. I want to maintain the growth I have worked toward. I want to find new stories. I want to grow alongside my best friends.

I feel a renewed sense of calm, a contentment after today. I thought my show was going to be cancelled, or worse: that audiences would move on and leave me behind as I continued acting out the same old plots.

But I think I've decided that the network has ordered a second season. Does it come with a pay rise? […] What's that? […] Go fuck myself? Fair enough.

The showrunner hasn't plotted out the series arc yet. But fuck it. I'm quick on my feet.

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