day03 - war is over. return to regularly scheduled programming.
dear luci,
today, i have been okay. don't get me wrong, it hasn't been a linear path of chill, despite the lovely morning i had, there was a lot weighing on me as i walked back through the mall. but i don't really want to talk too much about this in a place where (theoretically) anyone else can read it.
lately, i have been on a mission to gradually recover my sense of self. this is something which slips away from me quite often, funnily enough, even though i think many people in my life would have almost no trouble coming up with more than a handful of adjectives to describe me. as much as i relied on people's answers to that "who am i?" question before, now i'm trying to do the working out, so to speak, myself. i have been rediscovering things i love. i had an extended, passionate rant this morning about how amazed i was by the House of X/Powers of X comics. i have created not one, but two desk spaces for myself: at work and at home. slowly but surely, i have become less insecure, and more myself. i have so many ideas for projects, i have a fu***ng coffee catch up for a potential job which— oh f**k, that's tomorrow. i should get to sleep soon.
anyway. it's not easy. it's not linear. but i am rebuilding myself. it's something i've needed to do for a long time, but it's something i've put off for just as long, either because i didn't realise it was such a big thing, or because there were other things i could distract myself with. tonight, i feel excited to inhabit this body, to be granted this soul. i think that's worth celebrating. and if you're reading this, no matter how you're feeling right now, i want you to just take a moment and admire one thing about yourself. god knows i probably admire so much more of you than you could imagine.
sweet dreams, little one.
