day42 - it takes a village
dear luci,
I am very pleased to offer you and my lovely readers a much more upbeat entry this evening. The tone of last night's writing was, as you may have seen, quite raw. informed by a lot of pain accrued over many years. I began this particular journey to share and process my feelings in a therapeutic way, distinct from the quasi self-harmful nature that can stem from writing about your feelings in an unconstrained way. I thank you for your patience, your kindness, your care. By keeping that entry online, I am reminding myself that the line between cathartic self expression and indulging in harmful lines of reasoning can become quite blurry. every day, I venture to veer closer to the left shoulder of that two-lane road.
today, I was busy. busy in the way that you'll have 5 things to do in a single day, and all of them take place in various locations around the city. I have grown to love public transport, not because it's particularly efficient or accessible, but because it allows me to approach the beginning of my day mindfully. I can relax on the way to the office.
Today was a driving day. I like driving too, in fact I love driving people around. some of my most beautiful memories involve sitting in a car, talking, singing, or just glancing over to the seat beside you to notice your passenger has fallen asleep. But alas! This was a frantic- how much time will I have between destinations?? driving day. I took my pet bird, Coop, to the vet today. Will came with me, and we told the doctor what had been wrong. We waited as she checked the bird's vitals, hoping that the outcome was more positive than we expected. after leaving Coop with the vet for the day to trial a new medication, my phone rang. It was a friend of mine, who opened the call with the words "I just thought I'd call to make you smile". After having "pick Coop up from the vet at 5:30" added to my already long list of daily tasks, she can't have known how needed that phone call was. It perked me up.
I explained Coop's situation to a groupchat of people who are increasingly becoming very dear to me. Many of them offered their love, but also their time, were I to need it. the fact that these people cared about me so much to offer up some of their very busy lives to help me take care of this stupid, adorable little thing, was such an incredible feeling.
i took one of them up on that offer, and she came with me to pick Coop up when I felt so tired I didn't know if I could make it across town and back. I thought, on the way to pick her up, that I'd joke to the vet nurse about how I brought two different people with me (that morning and that evening) to each appointment: "they say it takes a village to raise a child." it was a silly thought, but it made me happy. if last night I was lamenting the fact that past friends have not regarded me and my messiness with very much grace, tonight I am celebrating the feeling of being understood, cared for, and supported. slowly, an (older yet still new) friend is breaking into (in a nice way) our little group. I hope she finds the same comfort in knowing there are at least a few people who have your back, who would go out of their way to make you smile, who want to learn what to do to support you at your worst.
it's a liberating feeling, and I am very fortunate to experience it at a time where I need it the most.
sweet dreams Luci <3