day61 - breaking the rules
dear hummingbird,
yes, you read that correctly. you are a rare exception. i will break my own rules to make you smile. luci understands, you two have become close enough.
perhaps this is a disproportionate response. i don't really care. i am enshrining you in my corner of the web, visited only by drifters, loved ones, or anyone savvy enough (bar is low) to investigate my opsec. i know that's an important demographic to you. you introduced my incurious ass to the indieweb in the first place.
so here i will make it known.
you exist, hummingbird. you have the right to exist. you deserve to exist. you have committed no crime.
you hold yourself to a standard which you believe to be reasonable. do no harm, keep quiet, try to live in the space you have afforded yourself, a space which folds in on itself every day. keep your head down, work hard, achieve all that you can, bring joy to people's lives. meagreness is aspirational. greed and selfishness are to be avoided.
if i am sharing too much on your behalf, forgive me, i am trying to keep details vague. after all you have told me about the way you see yourself tonight, let me offer my rebuttal.
you changed my life.
you:
- encouraged me to break free from the things holding me back
- introduced me to some of the most beautiful pieces of media i have ever consumed, and you were often there right beside me while i experienced them.
- truly make me feel seen
- listen
- care
- are one of a very small list of people whom i can confidently say i love travelling with.
- have led me on adventures my heart couldn't dream of.
- make me laugh
- inspire me to be everything that i possibly could be
- remind me that i am more than my insecurities, my fears, the limitations i set for myself so let me remind you of the same. you did all of these things for me, yes, but you are still your own person.
i will be here to remind you that you deserve to exist too. not just for what you do for others. but for yourself. because you are vibrant. because you are clever, and sweet, and kind. because you are such a little firework on a cloudy night.
the risk, as you have explained it to me, is great. i know this. the "what ifs" that make you feel like you would rather be an absence. but as i have said now and again, i have seen you burn so brightly. i believe that you can find a fuel source to keep that fire going. i do not believe that you need to burn out to be a good person. i have never believed in anyone more than i believe in you, nor have i ever had more reason to do so.
so keep fluttering about, hummingbird. there are so many flowers you haven't seen yet.
sweet dreams, hummingbird. and goodnight to you too, luci <3