day77 - soulslike or sandbox?
dear luci,
as corny as it sounds, I believe in the power of the written word. when distance makes us into small lifeboats stranded in a vast sea, I cross time and space with a sentence. I have deconstructed great dams and let rivers run free. to my readers: whether you're floating through endless waters with no sign of land, or safely moored to the docks, I dedicate these words to you. I reach out across impossible distances with every keystroke and wrap my arms around you. you are not alone, for the moment. as you read, I hope you feel my hand on yours, turning the pages1. I love you all.
I have lived much of my life for other people. When you're depressed and living begins to lose its appeal, it's all you can do to find any compelling argument in its favour. sometimes that means you get caught up in the idea that you only exist because someone else sees you. I recognise how corrosive that can be. Not only to yourself, but to the person or people you've secretly and subconsciously tasked with keeping your world on its axis. You never meant it to go on this long, it was just something to get you through the fog and out the other end. But as I learnt and as I'm learning, you just can't. Like with most things, the answer is balance. You don't have to live in a cabin in the woods, hidden away from the world. In fact, definitely don't do that. People probably shouldn't be your reason to live, your raison d'etre, but they can be sprinkles atop the sundae of your life (in the least objectifying way possible). You start from within and build out your reasons for living. Live for your hopes, your dreams, or much simpler: just the feeling of sheer delight it brings you to see a cat sunbathing in a windowsill as you walk to work. Your "purpose" shouldn't fill you with dread, it should excite you. You don't need to beat yourself up for all the things you're not doing, all the "potential" you're not fulfilling. If life is a game, it should probably be Minecraft, not Dark Souls. The world you build yourself is beautiful, not incomplete. It is only made richer, more vibrant by the friends you invite on your server. But don't forget that the colours were all there before.
So I'm trying to live for myself without becoming an old hermit. Just because the pendulum swings far in one direction, doesn't mean I need to overcorrect and make it swing just as far in the opposite. I'll fight my fair share of Dark Souls-esque bosses. But not any more than I have to. No more than I need to in order to thrive.
sweet dreams, luci <3
Or in this case, helping you scroll, but that's not very romantic.↩