day78 - snippets
dear luci,
not so hopeful tonight— I don't have the energy to put on a brave face and make-over my ugly feelings.
I get anxious when I don't write much. especially when I'm feeling disconnected from the friends who read this. if I don't give them anything to go on, how can I emulate some abstracted kind of closeness? no, I need to update them in a good amount of detail: what it is I'm feeling, what I've been up to, etc.
I don't know what happiness for me looks like in the long term. I thought I'd figured it all out- a few times in fact- but right now I can't help but feel like I'm biding my time waiting to stumble upon my real future.
The concept of becoming an antisocial little shut-in is occasionally quite attractive but I lack the willpower, energy, and swag.
I'm sorry, my eyes are getting so heavy.
Sweet dreams Luci. <3 I love you all.