day90 - breathing room
dear luci,
I'm taking some time away from it all lately.
I'm not going to mythologize it, not going to pat myself on the back for making such a brave decision. it's not very pretty or kind or considerate. it's selfish. but i don't feel an ounce of remorse. i’m not a self-care queen who deserves to be praised for making an effort to look after herself. it’s not effortful because I’m not* *doing anything. “no” is one of the easiest fucking words to say in the english language. y’know what’s easier? fuckin, silence.
and god it feels good. it feels good even though i know there are people who could probably do with a luna in their lives right about now. i have ruthlessly reallocated my resources. i am giving energy to whom i want, when i want, on my terms. i no longer need to save the world. i just need to keep going.
maybe i’m jaded or broken for feeling so overwhelmed by the messages i get during the day1. i have time to respond to them, sure. and yet… something about them just begs to be avoided2.
but i feel good up here with the stars. i’m not quite ready to come back down yet.
but i will.
sweet dreams, luci