s02e22 - traveller
You're catching the bus again-- something you haven't gotten to do in a while. You've come to regard it as a luxury in some ways. With the pace of your life, you haven't had the time to indulge in anything besides the fastest and most efficient way to get from A to B.
Tonight, the warm-ish air, the subtle humidity, and the smell of cigarettes, car exhaust and street food reminded you of being elsewhere. Mostly Hong Kong, a little bit of Korea--- but just elsewhere. Unburdened by obligation, free to wander. To do so with someone you loved, who loved you in return. That qualification sounds unnecessary, but it isn't.
It seems like everyone in your life is going away to do what you wish you so desperately could. Your father, your brother, and two of your closest friends have either left, or are preparing to leave the country.
You can't really imagine travelling alone like your brother has done for the past few months. You just think it'd provide a change of scenery for your mental illness. You've kinda done it before, but you were lonely a lot. You love travelling for the opportunity to share new experiences with someone. You don't need to be together all the time, but there's something... meaningful and fulfilling about shared experience. You never rewatch movies or tv shows by yourself, but you gladly do so countless times with the people you love.
On the uphill walk from the bus to your place, you listened to an ostensibly happy love song on repeat and felt the sting of tears in your eyes.
I just wanna make you happy Will you let me spend a lifetime trying? And if you do I'll have time to write the book on you.
Your problem is ostensibly the fact that you give as if you'll never run out. You spent a year telling yourself that love is not a finite resource. But what about time? Energy? Patience?
It's not nearly as generous as it sounds. You give with desperation, as if, by the time someone notices, it'll be too late for a change-of-mind return. You give in spite of yourself. Knowing that it can never be entirely reciprocated for whatever reason. As if you could love someone until they're okay. That, would allegedly be enough for you, but that isn't how it works.
"No," you think, looking into the empty night sky. You don't have anyone to travel with. Just a few people with a different destination in mind. A few crossed paths before they return to their trip. You feel guilty for wanting something different.
You asked someone what they thought of episode 20. They told you it was like you imagined an island for yourself, like Calypso's, but without the sailors to nurse back to health. You said that on your island, the sailors would never have a chance of making it ashore. You imagine that all your visitors would be swiftly dragged down to the ocean floor. Or if they're lucky, a storm tears them off-course and spits them out far away. It's not what you intended. But it made emotional sense.
Showrunner's Note: Keen-eyed viewers may notice some episodes cut from the season. I didn't screw up the numbering-- these stories were written, but they will go unpublished. It's not uncommon for the episode order of a series to change last-minute. Maybe the missing stories will be added as easter eggs to the home release. Maybe they will go down in history as obscure, lost media. In any case: thank you for watching.
END OF SEASON TWO